The show was pretty shitty but also pretty entertaining. Eyedea is a freestyle MC virtuoso (won the HBO Blaze Battle (2000) and Scribble Jam (1999)) who's lyrical content is pretty dark cerebral indie MC material that doesn't work on an outdoor stage. A strange flannel clad man took the stage with him for a time and after laying down some decent rhyming then tore down one of the banners overhanging the stage. Had a few beers, hung out and rode back.
During this weekend and onward I am continuing the stream of realizations that I came to on my road trip out west that I just got back from.
I had been pretty depressed over the last year or so, thinking that I hadn't made much out of myself and that my life was a bit in the shittube. I started thinking about how I have a bachelors's degree, a master's in education and I was working a tech-support type job at a software company and well into my late 20s. No girlfriend, a social circle that was mostly made up of the same dudes I went to high school with (nothing against them boys, I just thought I was weird for having mostly the same friends), living in the same city/metro that I grew up in, just generally down on myself. I was eating too much, drinking too much, sleeping too little, and just felt mopy and lethargic most of the time. My life wasn't that bad per se, just not shaping up at a level that I always envisioned for myself. I didn't feel like I had a whole lot of control over my life and I was getting pretty unhappy and unsatisfied.
After going out west I realized that lots of people my age are still working things out and no one really has it as great as I sometimes think they do. Other people feel insecure, have personal-life-cluster-effenheimers, feel uncertain, wake up with a ephemeral feeling of general turdliness from time to time. I'm no different in this respect. What I see in other people is they don't let it get to them. At the very least, they cover up their insecurity and try to make the best of the situation.
I also realized that I have a great deal of control over my life that I sometimes don't realize. Oftentimes I would blame others for my problems, wait for others to take the lead, look to other for permission to act, etc. On this recent trip to Montana, Sasquatch! and Seattle, I felt a lot of that melt away. In a way I waited for my buddy to help initiate this trip, but I was one who kept pressing the idea of taking a trip this year. It was up to me. I drove alone out to Montana and I took care of myself most of the way. After taking a detour on my way to Jellystone national park and conquering the famous Lava Lake trail in the Gallatin national forest, I realized that I can spontaneously jump out of my comfort zone anytime I want and try something and succeed. After visiting Seattle and meeting some new people, I realize that there are other options out there, and I can make a major change in my life if I need to. If I make a mistake, it's my fault but it is also OK to make that mistake and I have enough control to make things better. I have enough personal gusto and charm to win friends anywhere I go. I can look at things relatively and not see bad moments in myself as global, static attributes.
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